As luck would have it we got a table without a reservation. A few minutes after we sat down a dapper, handsome fellow sat at the the table next to us. He was chatty but pleasant, and started a conversation with us -- total strangers -- which is a skill. It takes a balance of vulnerability and self-confidence to start up and then maintain a conversation with strangers. Talking at someone is one thing, but starting a genuine back-and-forth is another.
He was a software engineer turned exec. We could tell right away he was successful because the stories he touched on were of CEO's, writers and the Dalai Lama. He was waiting for a friend and had brought her a tidy gift-wrapped box. She ended up being twenty minutes late so in that time we chatted.
He learned that we worked with a touring band and that shifted the conversation away from the board room. Trying to relate, he told us of his friend who was a drummer in a regional cover band in New Orleans. That lead to stories of his college days. He studied film and originally wanted to make movies. But after college he was drawn to the "business side."
He lamented, and seemed to have genuinely somber reminiscences about wishing he had stayed on the "creative side" as he called it. As if some part of him were lost, or buried deep down.
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What is the "creative side?"
To him, it seemed to be the department within the business organization that contained people who created content. It wasn't the creative side of him that wanted to come out, but him wanting to be a different person, someone who lived a different life and did different things.
What he referred to as the creative side I would call a professional artist, someone who pays her bills and supports herself with the money she exchanges for her art. And in my experience professional artists don't work on the "creative side", they live and breath projects.
What I didn't say to him (and never would) is that he probably never had what it took to be a professional artist. I mean that not as a knock on his creative abilities but as a matter of fact based on what most professional artists have to endure in their careers.
For instance, he had gone to film school, but did he have the burning, at-all-costs drive to make a movie? Did he ever stay up working 18-20 hours a day for weeks or months at a time on a project? Was he tormented by it? Did he let projects ruin relationships, his health, his bank accounts? Was he obsessive? Because that is what I have seen.
Some artists can look you in the eye and carry a conversation but mentally they are off somewhere else ... working out a melody in their head. Creativity isn't something you gain without giving something else up. It takes a spark, but it also takes lots of dedication and perseverance. A person can't only just sit around and wait for inspiration to strike. As with any other career, to be a successful professional artist, you have to go above and beyond. You have to over-deliver. It's competitive.
So that is what he was up against. Perhaps he is much better suited to staying off the "creative side". He was married, had kids, had a great job, had stories of the Dalai Lama, traveled.
Years ago, I read this Bukowski poem that stuck with me. It was from the last poetry book he wrote called The Last Night of the Earth Poems (p. 1992). The poem gives some insight into what he thought it took to be a writer. It isn't about having the right conditions like light, time or space. To be a writer you have to write. And someone with an innate inherent need to write will do that regardless of her situation.
air and light and time and space by Charles Bukowski
'- you know, I've either had a family, a job, something
has always been in the
way
but now
I've sold my house, I've found this
place, a large studio, you should see the space and
the light.
for the first time in my life I'm going to have a place and
the time to
create.'
no baby, if you're going to create
you're going to create whether you work
16 hours a day in a coal mine
or
you're going to create in a small room with 3 children
while you're on
welfare,
you're going to create with part of your mind and your
body blown
away,
you're going to create blind
crippled
demented,
you're going to create with a cat crawling up your
back while
the whole city trembles in earthquakes, bombardment,
flood and fire.
baby, air and light and time and space
have nothing to do with it
and don't create anything
except maybe a longer life to find
new excuses for.
So I guess my point is that the "creative side" doesn't exist. What he called the "creative side" is actually a person with an innate inherent desire to work on projects. And then if you combine that with a combination of talent, perseverance, luck, personal network and any number of other "success" factors, you get someone who has managed to sustain herself as a professional artist.